The worst food poisoning I ever got in my life was from the Times Square Carvel. I was simultaneously projectile vomiting and shitting in a bathroom in Long Island City after narrowly making it off the train. I was so doomed I couldn't lift my face off of the toilet seat. I apparently called tons of people and begged them to pick me up. I was in there for at least 30 minutes. I felt so bad for the employees, who shot daggers at me during the walk of shame from bathroom to exit.
But still, what fun cakes!
The worst food poisoning I ever got in my life was from a pizzeria in San Miguel de Allende. The second worst food poisoning I ever got in my life was when I went back to that pizzeria to give it a second chance.
Carvel is based in CT, but I don't think I've ever been in one of their stores. I see their cakes in supermarkets all the time, though.
I've never really had food poisoning, but I have had really bad diarrhea before. My worst case was probably this time I went for a six-mile jog down the shoreline. I got about halfway to my destination when my stomach knotted up, and I had to crawl (literally crawl) all the way back home to avoid shitting myself.
Worst food poisoning for me was at a local Indian restaurant. They were a legendary place for years and years, but then I later found out the ownership had changed hands and the original, famous owners went back to their old location (which was in another city) and left other people in charge of this one. It got closed for massive health violations about year after that. It took me a very, very long time to get where I could eat saag paneer again.
The worst food poisoning I ever got was full on, blood and pus shitting O157:H7 but it takes about a week for symptoms to develop and the CDC could only find two other cases with that specific genetic fingerprint in all of the Northeast in the year I got it, and they were really far away from me, so I never did figure out where it was from.
Baleen, there's a technical term for the type of food poisoning symptoms you got, it's called The Schleever. I learned it from a grindcore drummer when I was 13 so it's definitely legit. Its not specific to food poisoning, though, it covers any acute condition that makes you projectile vomit and shit simultaneously.
I think Salmonella schleever is the correct nomenclature.
I think I might've gotten a really mild case of e.coli (shits and nausea but no puking) too back in October from Chipotle. The bar I like to go to is great but they have the grossest bathroom I've ever seen in a bar, and one of the grossest in general, including most gas stations and rest houses. Peeing's fine but if I need to sit down I go across the street to Chipotle, use theirs' and get an order of chips and salsa to munch on back at the bar. But I doubt if it was the chips and salsa, plus they usually just give it to me for free now so I'd feel like a dick.
Ah! It just popped back into my head: the East Coast had Carvel, the West Coast had Farrell's. I couldn't remember the name even though I went there a lot as a kid, and I think it's the only Ice Cream chain to have not one but two airplanes crash into it. It was also the model for Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag with the hats and such. I miss Farrell's; now all we have is hipster ice cream, like jalapeno infused vanilla and shit. If I want something spicy, I'm going to a tacos joint.
For me it was samosas from a Pakistani joint. I was shitting on my toilet and puking into the trash can when a wave of crazy stomach pain rolled over me and I seriously considered calling 911. I was worried I was about to pass out and I had no idea when somebody would have found me. I had visions of my roommate (a Craigslist stranger) finding my shit and puked-up corpse days later and getting PTSD.
Anyway, I went back 'cause 50 cent samosas! Open 24 hours and on my way home from the Red Line. You can't beat that. Two fill you up when you're drunk!
I have remembered these commercials my entire life because of this narrator
He sounds so much like my alcoholic step-grandfather did.
I used to spend summers in New Jersey as a kid and these commercials were everywhere. I loved how pretty much all of their "special cakes" were basically just the 3 or 4 basic shapes decorated differently. For example, the Fudgie The Whale cake was just turned sideways with the tail part up to become Santa Claus. That sort of thing.
In high school there was a kid who would request a Fudgie the Whale for every school event that had food provided, just to fuck with the people organizing it. He never actually got one.
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