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Desc:We asked for bags of SNACKS, dammit
Category:Humor, Stunts
Tags:dicks, militia, Oregon, social media, yeehawdists
Submitted:blase
Date:01/13/16
Views:1410
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Comment count is 35
Juice Eggs McKenna
Eat a bag of dicks
tesla_weapon
They wanted blankets but they got a 12" dildo to help keep them warm.
Rodents of Unusual Size
This gives me an idea. Two words. I'll let your imagination do the rest.


Smallpox dildos.

Binro the Heretic
Only about half the English colonial population supported American independence. If you factor in the opinions non-British subjects and indigenous peoples, probably only about a quarter of the North American population supported the Revolution.

The independent troops supplied themselves by "foraging", which sometimes meant hunting & gathering wild fauna & flora, but more often meant going armed into farms & communities and forcibly stealing food the citizens, who didn't necessarily support their cause, had stockpiled for the winter months.

Many of the revolutionary soldiers who met resistance to their foraging efforts often wrote in their journals & letters about how angry they were that these people didn't just surrender up the contents of their larders. After all, the soldiers were out there, risking their lives and fighting for the "benefit" of the people they were stealing the food from.

I think the guys on the Bundy ranch and the people who have joined them in Malheur really are EXACTLY like the Revolutionary soldiers they idolize. The big difference now is that the continent has good police & military forces and they can't get away with kicking in peoples' doors and taking whatever supplies they want.
infinite zest
Yeah, I'd be behind a Cascadia movement through non-violent means, especially if Donald becomes prez. I'd miss you guys but I'd still be able to write. But this whole occupation just boils down to "you can't tell us what we can and can't burn" over two people who burned stuff they weren't sposta.

kingarthur
You mean we could have had cheaper education and universal health care if not for some bitter shithead landowners back in 1776?

Void 71
At least the greedy assholes of old were fighting for a country that appeared to have a bright future. These greedy assholes are fighting for...what exactly? The rotten hunks of flesh that are falling off a decaying empire?

infinite zest
In case you haven't read it, here's a sample of what they did want:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3392922/Call-supplies- Oregon-standoff-enters-second-week.html

Redford
I think the best part is out of that list, the one thing that is listed is needed badly is eggs.

They didn't bother even considering the life essentials they would need before they moved in there. They just walked in and expected that if the government didn't bow to their whims, that their "supporters" would send them whatever they needed.

Are they honestly surprised by this? Seriously?

Cena_mark
I though militia nuts would also be prepper/survivalist nuts. Did they not buy their buckets of mac and cheese from Jim Bakker?

tesla_weapon
i've seen that show on tv. dudes with bomb shelters and converted school buses. those dudes can live for years. are you trying to tell me that there are no doomsday nuts in these militias? they just ride around their redneck trucks with assault rifles and credit cards?

Void 71
Don't let the ten-gallon hats and flannel shirts fool you. These guys aren't rednecks. They're upper-middle-class Yankees who've never roughed it in their lives. Glorified larpers, in other words.

Cena_mark
Roger, fake cowboys just like Reagan and W.

infinite zest
Burns Oregon actually is "Cowboy And Indian" Country if I've ever seen one in North America, vs. Pendleton and other places, but yeah these guys don't represent that. What's funny is you can pretty much walk to the grocery and liquor store from there, which they've now been doing. A drunken fight ended with one of the occupiers shot in the head just a day or so ago too.

This reminds me too much of Occupy Portland, whose intentions were good IMO: I basically lived at that camp for a week, since the Opera where I worked was across the street from the camp, so they put me there so I would be the face of one of the 99% and not the bourgeois and it worked!

No raiding or occupying like every other buildings downtown! But during that time, all the bars closed, especially once things went from peaceful to violent, and the only place in town that was open was the 7-11, packed full of people loading up on cigarettes, beer, sandwiches.. it was like c'mon guys! This is what you hate but now you need it.

infinite zest
Oops I didn't get that shooting story exactly right... :/

http://bipartisanreport.com/2016/01/13/co-founder-of-anti-obam a-march-shot-between-the-eyes-by-organizer-over-gun-dispute/

Bort
"it was like c'mon guys! This is what you hate but now you need it."

This is the biggest philosophical problem I had with OWS: it's one thing to want to rein in destructive practices of banks and corporations, it's another to act like they're the enemy, or at least adopt the rhetoric that they're the enemy. Once you've declared them the enemy, fraternizing / collaborating with them is no longer an option, so if you own an iPhone or you wear clothes you didn't weave yourself or you enjoy living in a building that was/is paid for via a mortgage, you need to give all that up. And if you're not sincere then you should shut the fuck up until you have worked out a plan that isn't retarded.

oddeye
Why do people have to be so cruel? This whole thing started as overcompensation for their tiny cocks and you heartless fuckers got to go thrusting giant rubber dongs in their faces?
OxygenThief
They are being treated with the level of respect they deserve.
wtf japan
C'mon, patriots! These dicks ain't gonna eat themselves! Plenty to go around!
Corpus Delectable
The last frame, lol: Better get to picking up these ridiculous dildos. They sure are ridiculous. I mean, look at the size of that one.
Raggamuffin
"As you can see, I'm not mad. None of us are mad about this. See how not mad I am?"
Oscar Wildcat
These people are demanding that we turn over the national parks system to a bunch of pig and cow farmers. This is the highest use of the land that they can imagine. Try to wrap your head around that. They're not a minority, either.

As dismayed as I am about all this, I can't help but feel cheered by the fact that the principal victims of these people's stupidity are the very folks who support and enable them. After years of whining about the tyrannical federal government, now they've got their alternative. The fed has been largely invisible and it's been left to the locals to figure out how to deal with the situation. It is exactly what they have all been demanding. And it is killing them.
infinite zest
Yeah, like I said above it reminds me of the Occupy here in Portland, which went from a friendly sort of Woody Guethrie anthem mixed with a Burning Man vibe with cars going by honking in support into pretty much chaos. The lines for food in the parks they occupied were too long so people went searching for food winding up with gas station quality sandwiches, and a girl got raped in a tent, which Occupy Portland covered up. By the end, most people who showed up there were just trying to get laid from what I saw, and didn't know anything about what it was about in the first place. And at that point neither did I, or probably even most of the organizers. It just fell apart.

But I think the feds' passive aggressive behavior here isn't good: in Portland they did that to an extent until the end, and worst case scenario you'd be assaulted with a U-Lock if you treaded. But I don't see a good end to this, a bunch of gun happy hungry idiots with free roam of Burns ain't good news.

ashtar.
They are a minority, even amongst hunting, etc. people in the west. Hell, not even the ranchers they're "standing up for" or the town they're in wants anything to do with them. Welfare ranchers are a pretty tiny group of people, and most other people that live in the west use public lands and (mostly) like the way they're administered.

Nominal
Not sure they needed any help in fucking themselves.
Cena_mark
That's true. For example aren't the federal grazing fees significantly lower than the private rate? I honestly think big money developers are working behind the scenes here trying to get these idiots behind them in privatizing federal land. Let's see how much of it actually goes to the small ranchers.

Binro the Heretic
I'm also sure that's exactly what this is.

Even if the Federal government were to surrender the land to the states, the states would turn right around and sell it to wealthy individuals & corporations for a pittance and charge little, if any, property taxes.

The choicest, most scenic bits would be developed into private residences and resorts for the wealthy with the infrastructure to support them being paid for by county, state & federal tax dollars. Everything else would be stripped bare of useable resources.

Raggamuffin
States can't afford the upkeep and the fire fighting anyway, which is a major reason these types of movements have never found traction in the past.

1394
I can't wait til they eat all the sugar-free gummibears that were sent to them.
Monkey Napoleon
Boy, am I glad rural Oregon is like a different planet to the I-5 corridor.
infinite zest
At this point Beaverton feels like a different planet to me.. :(

gmol
Good thing these guys aren't Indian grandpas "looking in peoples garages". There is a part of me that hopes Black Lives Matters has figured out a strategic counter occupation while minimizing the danger to themselves (Oregon would be a bad idea). Maybe an Olive Garden in a small town or something...
infinite zest
Last time I went through there I think there was an OG actually, not too far away from the refuge. Burns is a small town but it's got the same chain/fastfood options as anywhere else.

John Holmes Motherfucker
You sent me a bag of VANILLA dicks! I prefer chocolate!
chumbucket
The clearing of the table drama means they must really mean business.
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