Dear Penthouse Forum,

You'll never believe what happened to me when I was 13. One day, after school, the hottest of the hot cheerleaders accidentally locked us in the Satanic Sanctum at lunch time while I was helping her with her algebra, ...

Is there a quickening tag?

"Of course, now you see this all over the mainstream media"

I think Alex has been mixing up Showtime with reality again.

So Alex Jones is the true Baron against the Demons. Satan sent Donna Pervervm back in time but her helicopter pads and Maybachs were no match for the his resonant purity.

He still fucked her tho...

Why do I even know this motherfucker's name? Seriously, what does he bring to the table that makes him worth being known by so many people?

This happened to me too. Half-naked Junior and Senior devil cheerleaders shoving Marilyn Manson CDs at me and hissing "Listen to them, listen to them all you little Protestant-raised seed bin and we'll fuck you, we'll fuck out your SOUL."

I woke up with the stickiest sheets.

Bill Cooper tried to warn us.