Crypto combines gambling AND ponzy schemes! Only the savviest tech lords come out on top!

Gots to get my heroin and feet pics.

A savvy investor like me doesn’t fret over the boring technical details.

That's one outdated hipster strawman character.

Why buy cryptocurrency when you can buy my tulip bulbs?

I don't actually have the bulbs, yet. I have to wait for the seeds to germinate.

Lots of people really want those tulip bulbs, but I'm giving you the opportunity to buy them first.

And, honestly, you can turn around and sell the bulbs that don't exist yet to someone who wants to pay a lot of money for those "bulbs." Then just give them a receipt and when the "bulbs" are ready, they can find me and get their "bulbs."

Of course, they may be lying and plan on turning around and selling the :bulbs" to someone else for way more than they paid you, screwing you out of all that profit.

The good news is the odds that they will sell the "bulbs" to someone who will then turn around and sell them for more money, screwing them out of the profit are really high.

So, how many "bulbs" can I put you down for?

And the United States just legalized Bitcoin ETFs 🤣🤣🤣

Etherum and a few other coins have supported me through the pandemic more consistently than anything else. The power of the blockchain and what it can do as a future currency base is undeniable and probably inevitable. But what this satire falls most flat on is not characterizing crypto as what it is today, which is a commodity.

it has always been the world governments fault for not switching to sustainable energy when we even have invented nuclear generators for more than half a century ago, just so they can fill their own pockets, but sure let’s blame it on bitcoin