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Desc:HOKAY GUYZ I'M TOTALLY CONVERTING NOW LOL
Category:Religious, Classic TV Clips
Tags:rapture, atheism, christians, impending lawsuit, time to find a new job
Submitted:dead_cat
Date:12/06/07
Views:13158
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Comment count is 69
baleen

Man, atheists are worse than Jews! Did you see how he tried to weasel out of drink duty?
IrishWhiskey
Man.... those guys are Douchebags!!
I mean, what the hell? He just says he doesn't believe, and you blow up in his face like he personally insulted you, and then get everyone in the office to screw with him.

Like Jesus would have done I guess.
Emcee
Needs "that rapture thing" tag. Also, I knew it wasn't a real rapture because everyones clothes would be left behind, too.
Xenocide
"See? I PROVED the rapture is real, by faking it!" Everyone in that office is an incredible asshole.

Also: maybe this should be a Brain Disorder entry, because I can't think of any other way that coffee shop guy could have heard "I'll take two cherry turnovers" as "I don't believe in God."
glenn
He recognized his smug atheist accent, duh.

mashedtater
Just...wow

Rodents of Unusual Size
"...and two cherry turnovers"
"You don't believe in God?"

I laughed my ass off to that. In fact, this entire thing is a commercial against Christianity if ever I saw one. Hahahaha, just another appropriate day at the office as we humiliate and spiritually annhilate the guy that doesn't believe our myth story, hahaha who wants punch!
RomancingTrain
I Want punch.
You like punch?
I like punch!
I like punch too!

dead_cat
It would make an excellent ad for, say, Monster.com, or some other job-search website. Just paste in the logo right after he finds out all his co-worker are ridiculous assholes.

bac
actually I've worked at two coffee shops and at each one the employees where told that whenever someone ordered two cherry turnovers you had to respond with "you don't believe in God?" if they ordered one cherry turnover you had to throw it at them and scream "YOU MURDERED MY LORD!!!"

bopeton
Seriously, wtf was that about?

eatenmyeyes
rapture thing
Brautwurst_Barbarian
Even with his slicked-back hair, the atheist doesn't seem as big a douche bag as the Christians.
Knuckles
Man, living through the rapture would be awesome. Think of all the free stuff people would leave behind! I mean, yeah, 1,000 years of tribulation, rivers of blood, the battle on the hill of megiddo... but at least we'll have Wiis and iPods to pass the time with.

Also, this video is proof why every airplane should have at least one atheist or heathen jew at the helm.
Adramelech
There are a number of things wrong with this video even if you ignore the awful religious propaganda angle. Would you expect someone working at a church to pick up the phone when you just realized that all Christians have disappeared? What circumstances would lead to a 2 year-old child being a "true believer" while her mother is not?

And apparently cherry turnovers are only ordered by atheists.
Hooper_X
I'm not sure, but I think this guy could probably find a lawyer who'd file a religious discrimination suit against that company.

Hooper_X
posted in the wrong reply box - anyway, during That Rapture Thing, children, who are morally innocent until they're old enough to know better, will all get magically whisked away alongside the decent, god fearin' folk.

Xenocide
But goodness can't save you! The only thing that can save you is accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior, and a two year old isn't capable of comprehending that idea.

When the rapture comes, the toddlers are gonna BURN.

theSnake
She never paid him for that turnover.
Stopheles
And he didn't specify "no icing" on either one.

Aelric
it's like the most retarded 'outer limits' twist ending ever.
Benzene265
Christians must like sugar highs. Fruit punch is like drinking a gallon of corn syrup in a 16 oz bottle.

Also, my first reaction to a mysterious disappearance would be to call the police.
Corman's Inferno
Showing genuine human concern is cause for hostility, but wishing non-Christians (re: foreigners) to burn in a hellish nightmare world is the good, honest thing to do. No wonder I became an agnostic.

Quad9Damage
Instigating a company-wide lie put the hell bound nonbeliever in his place? How Christian.

And God help me, the Drawn Together clip at the end was kind of funny.
Yellow Lantern
So Christians believe that all atheists are Australian Matthew McConaugheys?
futurebot
I want to see the opposite of this sketch, where an elaborate office prank convinces the Christian employee that God is dead.
SolRo
tempting, since every office seems to have that crazy christian with god posters in their cube and turns up the right wing radio.

IrishWhiskey
I want to see they one where they treat a Jew or Catholic the same way. Turn it from a propaganda film, to one of those workplace warning videos about discrimination lawsuits.

Bort
Or just do the very same thing to someone who already believes in the Rapture. Unlike Australian Owen Wilson, they already believe in the Rapture, and you'll just be convincing them that they weren't good enough to make the cut.

jesustweak
Greasy Oz should simply ask the smug Xians if their god was powerful enough to keep someone from peeing in their fruit punch... Hypothetical question of course.
Frank Rizzo
you can tell he's an atheist because of his atheist accent.

Rudy
Hey, I like fruit punch too...


...AND THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!
wtf japan
Is Christian #1 doing the Gob voice?

This is what happens when fundies pay a Jewish production team to make their propaganda for them. Some of this hilarity has to be intentional.
glasseye
"You're gonna leap off this planet like metal drawn to a magnet"

Heh. Someone doesn't understand magnetism.
glasseye
And holy shit, these christians are assholes.

halon
Wow, the pastor at the beginning looks almost EXACTLY like Scott Thompson from Kids in the Hall.

SPOOKY.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
Smug bastards those Christians. I thought they were supposed to forgive.
Maggot Brain
Man, what a bunch of dicks.
Aubrey McFate
Every Christian in this has such snideful hate in their voice. I don't think all (or any) of it is acting.

Gotta love that last line. BUM BUM BUUUM!
Hooker
The look of hate and disgust in the lead Fundy's face is totally the best part of this.
ChocFullOfFunk
Four of my five stars are for the Christ doll mishap at the end. That is exactly how I always envisioned the compassionate savior of mankind sounding.
Beyonce Knowles
Such complete and utter assholery. I am amazed.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Actually, the rapture took place in 1982. All sincere and honest Christians were swept into Heaven, and there were so few of them that no one noticed.
IrishWhiskey
Why would you one star this?!?
C'mon!

Olaf the Unspeakable
Ha ha! We made you think it was the apocalypse!
bac
that rapture thing is actually never mentioned in the bible.
charmlessman
If fruit punch some sort of codeword for "Fuck with the Owen Wilson guy?"

Hey Sally, how about some... FRUIT PUNCH *wink*
Why yes, Kyle, I'd love some... FRUIT PUNCH *wink*
Go find out of Steve in accounting wants to fake the rapt... er, some FRUIT PUNCH too. *wink*
RockBolt
"You see, the rapture is when people disappear from earth to meet with god in the clouds!"

"Can you maybe back that up with something?"

"KEEP MOCKING YOU HATEFUL ATHEIST DOUCHEBAG, MOCK EVERYTHING. I'LL BET YOU'RE SCARED OF THIS CONCEPT YOU FIRST HEARD OF 12 SECONDS AGO. YEAH, FUCK YOU YOU STUPID JERK. YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, HAHA buy me a fruit punch."
phalsebob
What is this from? I must see the whole thing!
boyghost
"The rapture is the next big thing on God's calendar. Right after taking all the souls of aborted fetuses to Chuck E Cheese."
Giant Speck
What office full of people pulls a religious prank on someone and then doesn't stick around to laugh and humiliate them?

Did you see how fast they left?

FAIL.
crayondisaster
What self-respecting person older than 8 orders apple juice or fruit punch?

Will someone please throw a phone book at Matthew McConaughey?
hentaiwolf
I know this is old, but I love how they appear to be a magazine company with the name "Both Sides". And someone must have put a lot of work into making those posters. I wish I could make more of them out.
spork865
That skeptic was a better person than any of those religious assholes. He didn't punch any of them.
j lzrd / swift idiot
Sad.

Sad, sad, sad.
thekidinthehelmet
The whole clip was actually funded by the American Fruit Prunch Bottlers Coalition.
Geoff Marr
"Pretend you're eating a banana!"
Syd Midnight
The Rapture would convince me that superior extraterrestrial life exists, and has just harvested a segment of society to power whatever monstrous psychic batteries power their spaceship. I'd work to innoculate future generations against such a fate, to prevent them being devoured by that looming galactic horror. Occam's Razor and all.

Thanksgiving is The Rapture for turkeys.
quantumcreep
Who the fuck is that old guy at the beginning? The janitor?

And does anyone else here (not raised in a fundie church) ever remember hearing jack about this bullshit ten years ago? God damn it. It's a fucking cult that's running our government (I just watched the Mike Huckabee "Call from God" video too, and I'm pissed).

I wish they would all just disappear, and leave the right folk behind.

God damn fundie assholes.

"My sister doesn't drink, you idiot!"
In all honesty, my response would be identical to his.

CornOnTheCabre
OR COULD IT

nah it couldnt
lucienpsinger
HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW MY SISTER DOESN'T DRINK????
mumbly joe
that poor australian owen wilson--always saying what he should be thinking and thinking what he should be saying.

"welcome to burger king, may i take your order?"

"yeah, i'll have a whopper with i don't believe in god, a small religion is a lie, and a diet i'm atheist."

mountain dew insimination
"That God's blessing is overtaking you in all aspects of life"
as you sit on your ass and watch television in the middle of the day.
kingofthenothing
I have this weird thing I do with videos where I just freeze it in the middle of people talking to see the dumb looks on their faces. 0:09 is a good one.
kingofthenothing
I just kind of stop it a lot and he does make a lot of stupid faces as he's going on about Jesus and axels.

thebaronsdoctor
This is a parody video, right? RIGHT?!
NoCode
Ha ha ha! So they lied to their friend, even though that's on God's list of Top Ten Do Not Violate Rules.

He, I like fruit punch, too!!
dead_cat
Ugh, tell me somebody downloaded this. I'm not having any luck at all finding it anywhere online.
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