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Comment count is 33
The Mothership - 2011-08-01

What a frightened, little man.

charmlessman - 2011-08-01

Seriously. What is it like to live life that paranoid?

Toenails - 2011-08-01

WTF? No flashlights on the guns?

glasseye - 2011-08-01

No bayonets either!

Postureduck - 2011-08-01

"Or, you can have a reach tool."

Born in the RSR - 2011-08-01

Using a baton... to get at the salt-shaker in a restaurant. Wouldn't freak anyone out, would it?

And for what in the hell would you need 2 pairs of pliers and 2 pairs of keys?!?

I mean, I live in a shit part of the world, granted with not a lot of gun-violence, and wouldn't carry around half that crap.

Koda Maja - 2011-08-01

"That's just insane."

Ghoul - 2011-08-01

If you pause the video at 3:36, you get to put a paranoid survivalist face with the paranoid survivalist voice. Yes, there is a standard issue black mustache.

takewithfood - 2011-08-01

Ron Swanson?

Ghoul - 2011-08-01

If this were true, then he's missing the US Army issued mustache trimmers.

notascientist - 2011-08-01

"Anywhere outside the house, in my opinion."

The Mothership - 2011-08-01

Yea, this right here. What the fucking fuck.

takewithfood - 2011-08-01

No condoms, hunh?

pineapplejuicer - 2011-08-01

i can't decide if i want to 5 the coin purse, "i try to minimize the amount of things i carry" at 3:26, the first time ive heard the term "palm pilot" in years, the same thing for a "get smart" reference, "which is anywhere outside your house in my opinion", TWO guns, or...you know what, fuck it, he's earned the 5 either way.

SixDigitDebt - 2011-08-01

And I thought I was over-prepared by carrying a pocketknife and a flashlight everywhere I go.

The Mothership - 2015-01-03

I refuse to leave the house without my pocketknife, but that's more of an old Boy Scout habit than anything else so I hear ya.

Chalkdust - 2011-08-01

also don't forget the headband-mounted digital video camera and portable 2TB hard drive with shoulder harness and rechargeable battery backpack so no matter what happens, you'll always have court-admissible evidence

Riskbreaker - 2011-08-01

He didn't said for what kind of ocassion he would need the lighter.

TeenerTot - 2011-08-01

Wallet complete with "Liberty Watch" business card.

Baldr - 2011-08-01

Most of the EDC arsenals I've seen look exactly like rape-kits. The only thing this guy's missing is the nylon rope.

Hooker - 2011-08-01

While he doesn't carry fucking weapons around everywhere, my brother is the kind of person to carry around a lot of pointless crap like this. He almost never gets to use it, and that includes the obnoxious times when someone fumbles momentarially (let's say opening a present) with anything that any one of his tools provide some semblance of use for and he immediately jumps up and starts rummaging through his pockets, imploring people to "hold on."

takewithfood - 2011-08-02

I think everyone has met at least one of these guys. Your description is spot-on.

Mike Tyson?! - 2011-08-01

I carry:

- My wallet, which has my debit card so I don't need a stupid coin purse.
- The single key I need for the car I am driving, and the key to get into my job. I leave everything else at home.
- My phone which is a watch, flash light, and note taking device.

The only thing I am missing is the weapons but I am not scared of anything when I am outside the home. Whoops?

Old_Zircon - 2011-08-02

Wallet, pocket knife, keys (including custom molded earplugs in a waterproof container, because I play a lot of loud music), phone, something to blow my nose on.

Dr Dim - 2011-08-01

This is great, there are heaps of these guys and they're almost all hilarious.

I would love to be a fly on the wall when he gets mugged and has to report all this stuff stolen.

Squeamish - 2011-08-01

Everyone wants to be Batman when they're young. Some people grow out of it and move on. Some people don't, but realize how foolish it is, and are content with reading comics or watching cartoons like harmless manchildren.

Some take it way too far, and end up voting Republican out of fear of black people.

pineapplejuicer - 2011-08-01

Retroactively reassigning my five to you

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2011-08-02

The Dark Knight fears Black Man?

StanleyPain - 2011-08-01

These are the kinds of douchebags who end up shooting someone for looking at them weird or wind up injuring themselves.
In other words, these are the kinds of gun owners who are basically to blame for gun control.

Burnov - 2011-08-02

Yeah, pretty much.

Burnov - 2011-08-02

God, look at all that SHIT!

I cannot stand to keep -anything- in my pockets if I can't help it. It took me forever to find a wallet that was light and thin enough to keep my essentials in.

I can't imagine how ridiculous the guy must look festooned with all that crap.

I don't know how he can stand it personally.

EvilHomer - 2011-08-02

"If you're at a restaurant and you just need to move the salt shaker over, you can flick that out and grab it."

Jet Bin Fever - 2011-08-04

You can't tell but this guy is wearing a Utili-kilt.

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